Project: New Monica

101 in 1001

2007-03-25T01:22:00.000-07:00

I've been just terrible about posting lately, but my life's turned crazy busy.

Anyway, I came across a very cool idea today on one of my favorite blogs - Get Rich Slowly - about setting yourself a list of goals to accomplish in a defined period of time. 101 things in 1001 days. Doesn't seem hard-- I mean, some of the things on my list are pretty daunting, but I really believe I can do all of them in 1001 days. That's just shy of three years. But even if I only get half of my list done in that time I'll be a better person for it, so it's well worth it.

Here's the guidelines:

The Mission:

Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.

The Criteria:

Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).

Why 1001 Days?

Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as new year's resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organising and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.

Some common goal setting tips:

1. Be decisive. Know exactly what you want, why you want it, and how you plan to achieve it.

2. Stay Focussed. Any goal requires sustained focus from beginning to end. Constantly evaluate your progress.

3. Welcome Failure. Frequently, very little is learned from a venture that did not experience failure in some form. Failure presents the opportunity to learn and makes the success more worthy.

4. Write down your goals. It clarifies your thinking and reinforces your commitment.

5. Keep your goals in sight. Review them frequently, and ensure that they are always at the forefront of your thinking.

And, without further ado, my list:

1. Get divorced
2. Get out of debt
3. Graduate with my AAS
4. Get my A+
5. Meet Scott
6. Get down to size 8 jeans
7. Stay off cigarettes
8. Give up Diet Coke
9. Buy a new (to me) car
10. Have a plan to be with Scott
11. Read War & Peace
12. Learn Spanish
13. Get my savings account over $5,000
14. Run in the Capitol 10K
15. Knit myself a sweater
16. Move out of my parents' house
17. Write at least one chapter of a book
18. Beat Kingdom Hearts!
19. Play Knights of the Old Republic 2
20. Get an hour long massage
21. Finish reading Lord of the Rings
22. Have a girly sleepover
23. Assemble an emergency kit
24. Start an herb garden
25. Go camping
26. Get LASIK
27. Buy myself flowers
28. Take a creative writing class
29. Take salsa lessons
30. Buy myself a CHI flatiron
31. Participate in NaNoWriMo
32. Learn a new song on the piano
33. Take voice lessons
34. Send someone an "I'm thinking of you" card
35. Back up my computer
36. List at least ten books with paperbackswap.com
37. Update my will
38. Get a safe-deposit box
39. Take an agility class with Murrie
40. Get a new tattoo
41. Get highlights in my hair
42. Get a new piercing
43. Read Pride and Prejudice
44. Sleep under the stars
45. Read the Foundation trilogy
46. Learn to bake oatmeal raisin cookies
47. Get a library card
48. Learn to change my oil
49. Go without swearing for one month
50. Vote in the 2008 elections
51. Write a letter for Operation: Dear Abby
52. Watch a sunrise
53. Visit at least five states I've never been to before
54. Climb a rock wall
55. Sew myself a dress
56. Take a martial arts class
57. Learn American Sign Language
58. Go to the Bob Bullock Museum of Texas History
59. Get a handheld PC or an iPod (or clone)
60. Mail out Christmas cards
61. Go to a concert
62. Give away, toss, or sell 50 things
63. Develop a signature dish
64. Go to a play
65. Go to a wine tasting
66. Do 50 hours of volunteer work
67. Find a non-wedding event to wear a fancy dress to
68. Send somebody a care package
69. Go to a chiropractor
70. Wax my legs
71. Floss every day for a month
72. Read the Bible all the way through (and not my childhood Picture Bible!)
73. Knit a pair of socks
74. Re-read the Master and Margarita - but slowly this time
75. Keep a journal of my thoughts on TM&M
76. Finish a crossword puzzle every day for a month
77. Knit a blanket
78. Get a domain name and use it
79. Go horse-back riding
80. Build a bookshelf
81. Go to bed by 11 PM every day for a month
82. Read The Shining
83. Get a tortoise
84. Watch all movies nominated for Best Picture in 2008
85. Watch all movies nominated for Best Picture in 2009
86. Watch all Bleach (up to present, anyway)
87. Take a "me" day at least every six months
88. Watch the entire Friends collection again
89. Do a jigsaw puzzle
90. Glue and frame said jigsaw puzzle
91. Juggle 3 objects for 30 seconds
92. Send a postcard to PostSecret
93. Go to the Renaissance Festival again (with Scott?)
94. Paint and frame a piece of original art
95. Make tiramisu
96. Learn to identify a new constellation
97. Get a cash-back credit card
98. Max out my yearly contribution to my IRA for at least one year
99. Do a complete spa day with my mother
100. Visit Canada
101. Read I Know This Much Is True

State of the Monica: Monday, March 19

2007-03-19T06:33:00.000-07:00

Whew, what a week. Working two jobs sure will wear you out! Plus I've got to go and take a test today for one of my classes. I think I'm pretty much ready but we'll see. At least I can make up any points lost on this test with extra credit, so I'm not super worried anyway.

Started rewriting my will. It's a bit depressing but extremely, extremely important. Things have changed a LOT since the last version I had written. I need to get some details on my beneficiaries and make sure I've included everything I need to, but I got most of it drafted last night. Good times?

Anyway, here's the weekly report:

Weight: 158
Diet: Loving it!
Cigarettes: None
Spirits: Positive

Woo hoo, down four more pounds! Go me!

Still stressed out about divorce stuff, but feeling pretty good overall.

Not a whole lot else to report! Tired and busy but overall life is good.

State of the Monica: 3/12/07

2007-03-13T06:01:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm behind. I just started a second job and I'm scrambling to squeeze in my schoolwork too, so I'm a tad short on time! So, without any further ado:

Weight: Still 162
Cigarettes: Still none
Diet: Still going strong
Spirits: Still high

Okay, so no changes to report at all! I was a tiny bit discouraged that I've not lost any weight in the last two weeks in a row, but I've been slipping a bit on my water intake and on my workouts, so I guess it's to be expected. Besides, I figure my body's still adjusting after losing 10 lbs in 5 days when I first started! So no real worries there.

It does seem to be noticeable that I'm slimming down though. People at work keep asking me what diet I'm on and how much I've lost! They seem a tad disappointed when I explain the diet and basically tell them that there's no magic secret, just sticking to a pretty strict routine.

I was bad on Friday though, and cheated at a party I was at. I had a hot dog and some baked beans and green bean casserole. It was delicious, but afterwards I decided that it wasn't really worth it. Then on Sunday I went clothes shopping and picked up a pair of pants that are size 10! Not 12, 10! I'm down a size! WOO HOO!

Overall things are going well. A bit rushed and a bit stressed but really can't complain. I finished my tax return on Sunday and it looks like I'll be getting a nice refund. I know that it's actually not a good thing, because it means I gave the government an interest-free loan for the last year, but it's still a good feeling to get some unexpected cash. It's going for new tires and then to pad my growing emergency fund.

Sooner or later I'll write a real post again! Just need to find some time...

Boost Your Self Esteem Without Spending A Dime

2007-03-06T06:02:00.000-08:00

So my positive prediction for yesterday failed miserably. I got into a horrific fight with my soon-to-be-ex-husband and spent a couple of hours in tears. Not the best way to spend an evening! But I still managed to get some things done, including taking care of my little dog (who seems to be fine now-- no obstruction = no surgery = Happy Monica) and turning in a bit earlier than I had been. Then this morning I got up much earlier than normal, took a gloriously long shower, and got myself all gussied up (interview today, remember.)

Even though I'm still bummed out about the fight and all, I'm feeling remarkably good this morning. It's amazing what some nice clothes, doing your hair, and some makeup can do. I normally don't dress up at all for work, since I don't really have to, but I did today and I feel great!

It's amazing what a high you can get just from taking some time to take care of yourself. But you don't even have to spend money to do that. Sure, I'd love to go out and get a full blown massage and facial and mani-pedi, but that's pretty big bucks, and honestly, it's not really necessary. A good long bath, maybe a glass of wine, doing your own toenails, and then putting on some nice clothes and fixing your hair can do wonders for not only your sense of well being but your self esteem too! It doesn't have to cost you anything.

And, for me at least, there was a bonus to dressing a bit nicer than my usual-- one of the girls I work with asked me today how much weight I've lost and said that she could really tell. Hooray!

Advice, Like Youth, Is Probably Just Wasted On The Young

2007-03-05T21:53:00.000-08:00

The Baz Luhrmann speech that I posted a video of yesterday is actually one of my favorite pieces of all time. It is commonly called "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)" but the real title is "Advice, Like Youth, Is Probably Just Wasted On The Young". My sister introduced me to it many years ago and it's stuck with me ever since. In case you missed it, I'll repeat it here word for word:

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '99:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Well, never mind-- you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in twenty years you will look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to things that never crossed your worried mind-- the kind that blindside you at 4 PM on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead. Sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at twenty-two what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting forty-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees-- you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at forty. Maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your seventy-fifth wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few that you should hold on to. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, and you, too, will get old. And when you do, you will fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you'll have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're forty it will look eighty-five.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Why I'm Not Bummed That I Didn't Lose Any Weight Last Week

2007-03-05T10:44:00.000-08:00

What's that? My weight stayed at 162 from last week to this week?! OH NO! My diet must be failing! I must not be working out enough! I need to take DRASTIC ACTION!

Or not.

The truth is I'm not fussed about it. Why? Because I'm doing a lot of weight training. I'm pushing myself really hard. So probably I'm beginning to develop some good muscle mass. That could easily be actually adding weight. Even if I'm losing fat, adding muscle could very well be what's keeping my weight at the same level. I don't mind, for one simple reason: muscle is more compact than fat.

That's right-- I didn't say it weighs more than fat. Because that's a very misleading statement. Pound for pound, of course they weigh the same. But it's the density that counts. A pound of fat is a lot bulkier than a pound of muscle. What this means is that even though my weight stayed the same this last week, I may still be slimming down as I exchange one bulky pound of fat for one sleek pound of muscle. I say that's a good thing!

The lesson here is not to pay too much attention to the numbers on the scale. Pay more attention to how your clothes fit and most importantly how you feel.

State of the Monica: March 5

2007-03-05T10:15:00.000-08:00

Welcome to another glorious Monday morning! Is that sarcasm in my voice? Who can tell, since this is just written words and there's no easy way to detect inflections? Does it even matter? Do I just like asking rhetorical questions?

Had a fairly good week. Passed the two-week mark on my diet, which means I can now have little cheats if I want, as long as I keep them few and far between. I rewarded myself last week with a single olive, which apparently doesn't count because olives aren't really all that bad, and two bites of birthday cake. I'm afraid of letting myself have anything more than a teensy cheat because I'm afraid I'll just lose it! But honestly, those two bites of cake sated my craving for sweets just as well as a whole slice would have and didn't leave me feeling horribly guilty. Hooray!

Weight: 162 lbs
Cigarettes: None
Diet: Going strong
Cheats: 2 bites of cake
Spirits: positive

I'm having kind of a crappy day today-- it started out with my little dog being rushed to the vet because it appears he has a taste for foam insulation. An gastrointestinal blockage is a Very Bad Thing. The vet called and said that from the X-ray it looks like he may have some in his stomach but it's not obstructing anything so they're going to send him home with some medication to help him pass it if it is in there.

On the upside, if he does end up needing surgery, I was approved for Care Credit, the no-interest credit line for medical expenses, including veterinary bills. So at least I can have peace of mind about paying for it if I do need to.

Work's being rough today, but that's typical for a Monday. And it can only get better from here, right? I'm feeling very positive about the rest of the day.

Started sending out my sexy new resume last week. I have an interview tomorrow and I have very high hopes about another possibility that I've heard back on already, although there's no interview scheduled there yet. And the interview tomorrow is going to go swimmingly! The same friend that pimped my resume gave me a bunch of interview tips. I'm going to NAIL it!

Do Something That Scares You

2007-03-04T19:26:00.000-08:00

I was married for nearly three years before it began to dawn on me that I was miserable. I began to realize that I no longer loved my husband. I didn't feel any real connection to him any more, and I had never been able to communicate with him very well. We weren't terribly well matched to begin with and we had gotten married too quickly and too young. He had always treated me well, and I was fairly comfortable, but underneath that I was deeply unhappy. All this began to crash in on me over the course of just a few months.

I was terrified. I had gotten very isolated because I had cut myself off from my family and my friends. Divorce had never seemed like even a remote possibility. Other people did that, not me. It felt like it would be admitting defeat, admitting that I had screwed up. I didn't know what to do, where to start, who I could really turn to. I was afraid my parents would be disappointed and angry.

I was also very afraid of being on my own. We had a mountain of debt and no savings, and I didn't have a very good job. Financially, I was about as far from being ready to drastically change my life as I could possibly be.

I didn't want to say anything to my husband. I knew he would want us to try marriage counseling, but I had absolutely no desire to try to fix our marriage. That may sound cold-hearted, but I decided it would be crueler to lead him through the facade of counseling when my heart would never be in it.

Finally, though, it all ended up coming out anyway. We struggled with it for about a week, and spent a lot of time talking to our parents. It was the worst week of my life. But after just one week of talking about divorce, I moved out of our house and back in with my parents.

In the months since I left him, I've come to see that one decision, the decision to do what I felt I needed to even though I had no idea what would happen, as a turning point. That was the most terrifying thing I have ever done-- but it's changed my life immeasurably for the better. I am ten times happier today than I have been at any point in the last two years.

If you're like me, there may be lots of things that you've held back from doing because you were afraid. Maybe you're afraid of committing or settling down. Maybe you're afraid of quitting a job you hate. Maybe you're afraid to just speak up for yourself at a staff meeting to point out a problem you've been having. It doesn't matter what it is. If it's something that's going to make your life better, why are you really holding back? Just jump in and push past your fear. You may be very surprised at the results.

Baz Luhrmann mentioned this idea in his famous speech, "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)" which was delivered at a graduation ceremony.

Do one thing every day that scares you. I don't know about doing something every single day, but how about this:

Today, just today, sit down and think of something you've really wanted to do but haven't for whatever reason. Does it scare you? Good! It is good to be afraid some of the time. Fear helps us keep our perspective. But don't let that fear control you. Decide whether it's something that you really want to do. Is it something that will make your life better? Go out there, push past your fear, and do it!

Sometimes you'll win. Sometimes you'll lose. But don't ever let that fear stop you from living your life.

Spreadsheets Are Your Friend: Tracking Expenses

2007-03-04T14:00:00.000-08:00

As part of my ongoing effort to get my life under control, I've begun to tackle one of the areas that's always been a huge problem for me: my finances.

I don't really want to go into how much of a mess they got to be while I was married. Suffice to say, it wasn't pretty. I still haven't determined how much debt I'll be carrying when the divorce is final but it could be anywhere from $0 to $10,000. Yikes! Needless to say, I've got some serious work to do. Even if I end up with no debt I'm still going to be on a tight budget, between an apartment and the fact that I make a lot less money than (I feel) I should. I'm terrible at negotiating during interviews and it's bitten me in the butt.

So how am I facing this problem? Budgeting! I know-- the very word brings to mind something terribly unpleasant, maybe some form of medieval torture. Not so! I'm reveling in it. I've been living my life with so little self-discipline up 'til now that it's a relief to have guidelines set down for myself to stay within.

I've even turned into a sort of game: how much under budget can I stay this week? This month? And then I reward myself by socking away the extra money into a high-interest savings account-- I like ING Direct. (If you're interested, email me for a referral. We'll both get more money.) It may seem silly to view saving money as a reward, but I really do. I love seeing the account balance grow and I love watching the interest build up. It's a great feeling.

So the real question to consider is this: if I'm going to budget myself, what's the best method? I've tried the envelope system before and had some success, but it was also kind of a hassle. So this time around I turned to my trusty spreadsheets. I prefer OpenOffice.org's Calc, but for now I'm having to use Excel (I'm on a borrowed PC for the time being, the divorce and all). I decided to start out by tracking my spending better than I had been. That meant creating a register. I could just use pen and paper, but my handwriting is atrocious and I've always been better at typing than at writing.

I've actually created four separate spreadsheets that I'm using to organize my finances, but for now let's just look at one: my Income & Expense Workbook. I set it up so that each worksheet is for a different month, so I'll just explain how I set up a single worksheet and you can pretty much just copy it for the other months.

1) Enter the following in the appropriate fields:

A1, enter the current month and year-- 03/07
A3, enter "Date"
B3, "Description"
C3, "Expense"
D3, "Income"
E2, "Total"

2) Format the cells. This is really optional but I prefer to make everything look neat and uniform.

Click on cell A4, then hold down Shift and Page Down until you've got a good long piece of the column selected. Right click and choose Format Cells. Select Date from the list on the left and then choose the format you want the date to display in. Click OK.
Click on cell C4, then hold down Shift and Page Down until you've got a good long piece of those columns selected. Right click, Format Cells, and this time choose Accounting from the list on the left. I prefer not to have the dollar sign displayed, so choose None from the Symbol menu and click OK.
REALLY optional: right click on cell E3 and choose Accounting again. For this particular cell I do display the dollar sign, because this cell is going to be your balance carried over from the previous month.

3) Time to plug in your formula. There's really only one formula to a spreadsheet like this, and that's to calculate the total remaining balance every time you plug in an expense or some income.

Click on cell E4 and enter the following (I suggest you just copy/paste it in): =IF(OR(C4>0,D4>0),(SUM(E3,D4,-C4)),"")
Now copy cell E4, click on cell E5, and hold down Shift and Page Down as far down as you'd like, then paste.
The beauty of the formula above is that it won't show any value at all unless there's an entry in either the Expense of the Income column.

That's pretty much it! You can copy the whole thing onto other worksheets to keep it going month-to-month. Just remember when the month changes over to enter in your balance carried over into cell E3.

The only real trick to making a spreadsheet register work for you is to keep up with it. I try to sit down with mine and put in my expenses and my income at least a couple times a week. But if you don't keep up with it, then it's not going to do anything for you at all. Consistency's the key, just as with any other worthwhile endeavor.

Monday Morning: State of the Monica

2007-02-26T06:21:00.000-08:00

Well, I fell a bit behind on posting last week. Fifty lashes with a wet noodle!

Welcome to my (hopefully) weekly feature, the State of the Monica. This is going to be just a running update of how I'm doing in my efforts to change my life.

So without any further do, here's the report:

Weight: 162 lbs as of 2-25-07
Diet: sticking to it!
Cigarettes: none
Spirits: high!

I lost three more pounds! My "dietitian" says I'm doing great, although I might actually be losing weight just a hair too quickly. But I'm feeling wonderful.

Working hard at the gym-- I had to do a double session yesterday with legs and arms 'cause I accidentally missed on Saturday because I slept the day away. So I'm good and sore today, but it feels great.

Making great headway on getting my finances in order. I went into a bit of a spreadsheet frenzy yesterday and entered in almost all my income/expense and savings data, although I'm having a bit of trouble reconciling it all. I'll detail it in a separate post.

Starting to fret a little bit about divorce stuff, just because it's been dragging on for so long. Planning to call my lawyer today if I get a chance. I'm really hoping we can get it finalized within the next month. I really, really don't want it to drag into April.

In general, though, I'm doing great! I'm feeling positive about how things are going. I'm making progress. Actually, significant progress. I had a real breakthrough last week. I'm one of those people that's always been just ridiculously self-conscious, to the point that it was almost painful. I cared way too much what people thought about me. But at one point last week I suddenly stopped, and I suddenly realized that I've reached a point where I genuinely love myself. I love who I am, and I don't really care what other people think anymore. I mean, I care about the opinions of the people I love, sure, but I'm not nearly so bothered about what some random Joe on the street thinks about me. For once in my life, I've got some confidence.

Hot Damn But That's a Lot of Work

2007-02-22T20:29:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm still in week one of the new exercise plan. It's pretty loose for now but here's the basics:

I hit the gym four days a week: Sunday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Sundays and Thursdays are "leg days", and Tuesdays and Saturdays are "arm days". I start out with cardio-- I like to do 30min plus cooldown on a bike or 20min plus cooldown on an elliptical-- then move to the weight machines. Here's a rough sketch of my week so far:

Sunday: Legs: Leg Extension 30lb, Seated Leg Curl 10lb, Seated Leg Press 50lb, Hip Abductor/Adductor setting 7

Monday: Donate Plasma

Tuesday: Arms: Incline Press 10lb, Dual Axis Row 30lb, Dual Axis Pull Down 50 lb

Wednesday: Donate Plasma

Thursday: Legs: Leg Extension 30lb, Seated Leg Curl 10lb, Seated Leg Press 50lb, Hip Abductor/Adductor setting 7

Friday: Relax!

Saturday: Arms: Not sure which machines/weights yet-- Bicep Curl and Chest Press for sure at least

Today I had to wait in line for the Seated Leg Press after I was done with all the others. Grr. Need to be rich so I can have my own private gym! Or maybe just hit the cheap gym at some time other than peak hours. I got there at 6:45 tonight. Not smart. Actually it wasn't too bad. I spent the time stretching, which I need to do more of anyway.

I always read while I'm on the bike and that makes the time fly by. Some people give me funny looks, particularly for my choice of reading material. I tend to read either sci-fi/fantasy novels, ranging from the ancient and arcane (The Worm Ouroboros) to the modern and lightweight (Brian Jacques) or bizarre alternate history/alternate future sociopolitical fiction (Orson Scott Card, Harry Turtledove).

Anyway. I love going to the gym. I tend to hem and haw and drag my feet and put it off out of sheer laziness but I feel so much better once I'm there and working out. Even just changing into my workout clothes makes me want to get moving. And the feeling afterwards is the best. Tired but satisfied. I really can't wait until I can start seeing the difference it's going to make with my body, especially in combination with my diet!

Hey, If I Can Do It...

2007-02-20T19:52:00.000-08:00

I started smoking in August of 2002. I was on a student exchange program to Russia and just about everybody on the trip besides me smoked. Cigarettes were cheap and easy to get in Moscow, and although I resisted for most of the time I was there, in the end I finally gave in, mostly just out of curiosity.

Sure, I coughed the first time, but at the same time it was exhilirating. It gave me an incredible rush. It's hard to describe to a non-smoker, but I'm sure most if not all smokers know exactly what I'm talking about. At first, smoking was about trying to recapture that feeling. It even worked at first. But as time went on I either began to notice that feeling less and less or I just stopped caring. I smoked because I wanted to smoke. It became a habit so ingrained in me that I began to feel antsy when I wasn't smoking. I caught myself toying with pens as if they were cigarettes. I almost always had gum or mints in my mouth when I wasn't smoking.

After I came back from Russia I didn't know what to do. I really didn't want my family to find out about me smoking. They eventually did, of course, but it only all really came out recently. I tried quitting several times and always relapsed. I tried the patch. I tried the gum. I tried weaning myself off slowly. None of it worked. I just didn't seem to have any willpower. Eventually my husband started smoking because of me, too. We tried to quit together a few times and again always relapsed. We began using our smoke breaks as time to be together-- some of the only real time we were spending together, actually, but that's a different topic altogether.

I quit in April of last year and began again shortly before I left my husband in November. I was determined not to get too used to it this time, though, because I was already looking ahead to what I decided was going to be the end of it.

I had my last cigarette on New Year's Eve, 2006. Beginning New Year's Day I have been completely smoke-free. No patch. No gum. Just cold turkey. It seems to be the only way I can do it. I just finally decided that enough was enough! I was wasting money and slowly ruining my health on a disgusting habit that all the people closest to me hated.

I've had help, of course-- lots and lots of support from my family and friends, and a rather nifty little freeware program called QuitCounter that I downloaded. I entered my quit date, along with how much I had been smoking and how much I was spending per pack, and it pops up every time I start my computer to tell me how long I've been quit, how many cigarettes I have not smoked, how much money I've not spent, and how much of my life I've saved. It's really encouraging. It's also a little frightening sometimes-- like today when I realized that I've not smoked over 1000 cigarettes since Jan. 1.

Sound amazing? Maybe. But I honestly think anybody can do it. It's just a matter of deciding that you're really ready to quit. I always failed before because I wasn't ready to let go of it. I genuinely enjoyed smoking and I didn't want to give it up. But I've come to value the things I was missing out on more than I did my cigarettes.

If you've been thinking about quitting, ask yourself this: Why am I doing this? Am I considering quitting for another person? Or because of the expense? Or because my doctor's nagging me? Or do I really want to do this just for me? I guarantee you that if you are truly ready-- if you truly want to quit, and you want to do it for yourself, not anybody else-- then you can do it. It's hard. The first week after I quit I came close to biting people's heads off pretty often, and I was constantly whining about how much I wanted one.

But after that first week passes it's amazing how much of a difference you'll notice. You'll start to feel better almost immediately. You won't really miss it after that first week, and you will feel 100% better about yourself. 72 hours after your last cigarette, the nicotine will have been completely cycled out of your body, and 10-14 days later, your body will have completely readjusted to functioning without nicotine.

I'm not going to promise you it'll be easy. Rely on your support system as much as possible to keep you strong, and try to avoid craving triggers when possible-- if stepping outside during your lunch break makes you want one, eat at your desk! I actually stopped hanging out with the person that I smoked with the most. I'm not saying you need to do anything so drastic, but if your friends smoke, ask them to at least not do it around you.

Easy? No. Possible? Yes. I know only too well how easy it is to say, "I just can't do it." But when you say that you're really just lying to yourself. What you should be saying is, "I just don't want to do it badly enough yet."

I don't even miss it.

I Know How to Save a Life

2007-02-19T20:39:00.000-08:00

Today I went and did one of my favorite "feel good" things: I donated plasma.

This is such a win-win. I'm literally saving lives with my donation, which is used to make medicine that's used for lots of different purposes, including treating trauma patients in the ER. That's pretty awesome! But to make it even better, I get PAID! I can donate twice a week, and I can make $50 for two visits in the same calendar week. Sweet!

The facility that I donate at doesn't seem to have a website, so I hunted around and found BioLife, a part of the Baxter Healthcare Corporation, which apparently has centers in various parts of the U.S. They have a fairly good FAQ on plasma donation.

Anyway, I definitely recommend donating either plasma or whole blood on a regular basis, if you're eligible. Plasma donation can be done twice a week, while whole blood donation is only once every eight weeks. It's hard to beat the joy that comes from doing something that genuinely helps other people. I'm definitely going to be keeping this up, as well as possibly looking into other possibilities to volunteer or give something of myself back to other people.

Weight Issues & a New Diet

2007-02-19T10:21:00.000-08:00

Mine's all too typical a story in this country, which is now being ravaged by, of all things, an obesity epidemic. I've been overweight all of my adult life. I don't consider myself obese, but I've always been heavier than I would like. My jeans have ranged from size 8 to currently a size 12. I'm extremely self-conscious about it and have always felt terribly awkward and uncomfortable about my body. I never wear shorts or skirts and I have a love-hate relationship with swimsuits.

I've always been kind of back and forth on trying to actually do anything about it. I've gone to the gym off and on, I've done aerobics and yoga at home (I actually successfully lost about 25 lbs right before my wedding with those, but proceeded to gain 50 more after we were married), I've tried all sorts of different diets. I always tried to keep an eye on how healthy any given diet was, but I wasn't eating very healthy to begin with, either. Inevitably, no matter what I tried, I got sick of it and quit.

Part of the problem was that I just enjoy eating. I love good food, I love cooking and baking, I love going out to eat, all of it. Comfort food was pretty prevalent in my house growing up and I never outgrew the concept. As I struggled with depression through my teenage and early adult years (yes, up to the present), I would always turn to food to console myself.

I'm also lazy. Every time I would think to myself, "Hey, I need to get up and exercise," another voice would pop up in my mind and say, "But you're comfortable here, and that's too much work. You don't really have to, you know..." That voice ended up winning far too often.

My weight finally peaked at 175 lbs. I'm only 5'3", so that's a lot for a girl. My doctor was starting to make tsking noises whenever I went in for a checkup. So I've finally decided, enough is enough. I renewed my membership at the gym and I've planned out a schedule that I'm going to make myself stick to.

But more importantly, I'm on a new diet. This one's different from the others. For one thing, it's actually easy to stick to it. I love all of the foods on it and the portions are predetermined so I don't have any guilt about cleaning my plate. I've started cooking the food in advance and storing mass quantities in the fridge and just nuking the right portions for my meals when it's time to eat. Last night I prepared 2nd breakfast, lunch, and 4th meal (I'm on five meals a day) for today, put them all in Rubbermaid storage thingies, and put them back in the fridge so that this morning, all I had to do was throw 'em in a bag and I was out the door. I can't tell you how great that felt.

I've been on it for less than a week now. But yesterday, just out of curiousity, I hopped on the scale. It said 165 lbs. In less than a week I lost 10 lbs?!?!? I figure it's mostly water weight, and anyway, I'm trying to not be too attached to the numbers on the scale. I figure what's more important is how I feel and how my clothes fit. And I'm feeling great!

Here's the diet plan:

Meal 1 (Breakfast): 1 whole egg & 1 egg white, prepared any way you like; 1/2 cup plain oatmeal

Meal 2 (2nd Breakfast): 4 oz cottage cheese; 1 serving fruit (I'm going with apples, cantaloupe, and grapefruit)

Meal 3 (Lunch): 6 oz tuna (1 can); 6oz sweet potato/brown rice/oatmeal

Meal 4: 4 oz cottage cheese; 1 serving fruit

Meal 5 (Dinner): 4 oz lean meat (I like 95% lean ground beef or chicken) and 6 oz vegetables

NOTES:

Meal spacing of 2 to 3 hours is optimal and I've found it fits perfectly into my day.
6oz of tuna can be exchanged for an equal quantity of lean meat (chicken, fish and beef 92% lean or more).
Steaks: Sirloin, Flank and Filet Mignon are all perfectly fine as meats
You can eat more veggies at any meal if you like if that helps you feel full.
You should be drinking close to a gallon of water a day.

SUPPLEMENTS:

A good multi-vitamin.
Flax seed oil or fish oil-- I'm working my way up to 5000mg a day, or one 1000mg capsule with every meal.
Vitamin C-- work your way up to 2000-3000mg a day.
A protein powder mixed with water can be used in place of the cottage cheese in meals 2 and/or 4.

GOOD FOODS:

General Carbs:
Brown rice
Sweet potatoes or yams
Oatmeal (good oatmeal, not the sugar-laden crap)

Good Fruit:
Apples
Pears
Any citrus (especially grapefruit)
Cantelope
Honeydew
Strawberries

Good Veggies:
Any veggie is a good veggie (except for those listed under Bad Veggies)
Lettuce is fairly neutral (not good or bad), try adding in spinach with for more nutrional value

FOODS TO AVOID:

General Carbs:
White potatos. They are full of starch and their carbs store as fat very quickly.
White rice-- not horrible but brown rice is sooooo much better.

Bad Fruit:
Grapes: have a high glycemic index (quick sugar) and store quickly as fat.
Bannanas: same as grapes plus they contain fat.
Watermelon: same as grapes.

Bad Veggies:
Corn: useless and full of starch.
Peas: Also starchy.

At first I thought it would seem really restricting, but to tell you the truth, I kind of like always knowing what I'm going to have to eat. And being able to prepare my meals in advance and just heat them up as needed is wonderful. All in all I feel great, I'm pretty much never hungry, and I'm so excited to start being able to see and feel the results. I'll keep you posted!

Disclaimer! This diet plan was worked out for me and my nutritional needs. If you're considering it-- or ANY diet, please consult with your doctor or a registered dietitian first.

Welcome to Project: New Monica!

2007-02-18T10:02:00.000-08:00

Wow... I'm actually nervous. I'm new to blogging, so this is a little weird for me. Bear with me!

Where to start? My name is Monica. I'm 23 and going through a divorce. I'm overweight, addicted to nicotine and caffeine, have some pretty hefty credit card debt (not exactly sure how much I'm going to end up with once the divorce is final) and I have a crappy job. I have numerous bad habits, including biting my nails and procrastinating, I have extremely low self-esteem and a very poor body image, and just in general have always had a pretty bad outlook on life.

I'm done with all that.

This Chinese New Year marks the Year of the Pig, which just so happens to be my Chinese zodiac sign. I'm taking that as a sign, grabbing my life by the horns, and I'm going to turn everything around. Some changes I've already made. Others are in progress. Still others will be yet to come. But the purpose of this blog is to keep me accountable. I'm committing myself to changing my life for the better and I need discipline.

So if you happen to come across my little corner of the seemingly endless blogging spectrum, why not drop me a comment or even subscribe? I'll need all the support, advice, constructive criticism, what have you, I can possibly get.